Gluten, the great killer of white people

So, at work we had a sign-up sheet for a company picnic... the sheet had a few columns: your name, your dish, and a column for whether it was gluten free or not. I vomited all over my keyboard.

I don't know what to say. All my theories about the pussification of our country are true, TRUE!

We officially have no problems and are creating them out of thin air. Gluten allergies? Trust me, they don't exist in Africa, or China, or anywhere else people are actually hungry. But Americans man, we're all a bunch of neurotic narcissits, we need non-problems to validate our piddly existences.

This is why the terrorists hate us. Why bomb our buildings? Just fill up a couple weather balloons with Gluten and you could take out the entire east & west coasts.