We've been watching...

I used to have this fantasy which I know some can relate to, where I would be living my normal life and one day perform some act of great dexterity like catching a fly between two fingers, or splitting a gnarled piece of wood with three perfectly placed strokes, or catching a dish right as it falls off the counter only to feel a firm hand on my shoulder and a deep voice voice resonating behind me: "We've been watching you candidate Shields, please come with us." I would then be whisked away in the back of a Black 7-series to some bad-ass training camp where I'd spend 6 months being trained as a one man Army, Jason Bourne style; they'd teach me to do all kinds of stuff, how to fight, hot-wire cars, hack into computer systems, and convince beautiful women to sleep with me simply by lowering my brow and pointing... It'd be so awesome. I'd be a mercenary who played by his own rules! 'They' would give me the missions, but I'd be the one calling the shots because of course, I'd be the expert. I'd leave devastation in my wake and broken hearts in port cities around the world, I'd be both mysterious and hyper-intelligent, I would play chess with old Jewish men and after placing their king in check mate they'd shake their heads and look up at me in disbelief, but I'd already be gone. My hands would be registered as deadly weapons in 9 different European countries and I'd have a really cool pair of glasses.

But... the hand on the shoulder never came, there was no deep resonating voice either. I'm still not playing by my own rules and the women aren't swooning. The only beatings I learned to administer were... well, you know. I did move within the past year, maybe they didn't get my change of address? If so, I've needlessly murdered a lot of flies..