hot and bothered

It was so bloody hot out today, high 80s, high humidity... I almost couldn't take it; I nearly sweated my manhood off.

Coming home from work and drinking 4 cold beers, then taking a nap, naked, on the bathroom floor didn't help. I had thought the cool tiles would feel good, and they did for a while until my body heated them up while I slept. I awoke in a state that required a shower.

So I was reading online for tips to 'beat the heat' when I came across this pearl:

"Drink plenty of water. You can’t sweat if you’re dehydrated. While some traditions, such as Ayurveda, discourage consumption of cold liquids, they’ll temporarily cool your body core. Alcohol and caffeinated drinks tend to dehydrate, so choose wisely."

What? Why would I, or should I give any thought to what the Ayurveda says about drinking cold water? I remembering reading those texts in various Eastern Philosophy classes and they said all types of things about medicine and health, almost all of them completely wrong. Why would anyone subscribe to health practices that are thousands of years old, written by people who believed semen is one of the seven primary elements of the world? Oh yeah, because people are stupid.

This reminds me of a time in Taiwan, when after hiking around some coastal gardens touring a large rice research farm a friend asked if I'd like a cup of water. 'Yes please' I replied. He disappeared into the kitchen to return with a cup of nearly boiling water. I looked at him incredulously and he informed me that according to Chinese traditional medicine cold water is terrible for your health (it upsets your inner tao). Right, so all those years in Alaska spent drinking ice cold Coke while working outside in -20 weather was bad? Inner tao... i think the black side of my yin-yang has completely bled over the white half. Whatever!

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Last week I went into Trader Joes for the first time in about 6 months. For those who don't know what that is, good. Count your blessings. For those who want to know, Trader Joes is a multi-billion dollar chain of organic food stores and a perfect setting for studying horrible reasoning habits. Before I dive in though I gotta say this; why do they hand write their price stickers? Who do they think they are kidding with that 'Mah and Pah' store bullshit? Your company has more money than god so stop patronizing me with the retarded Crayola written stickers taped below the over priced organic bananas you sophists.

Anyways, back to the organic bananas, Trader Joes places them right next to a stack of non-organic bananas which obviously cost a good deal less. Now, anyone with half a brain could do some research and learn that the supposed pesticides used in the bananas aren't even dangerous, but even if they were they wouldn't reach the inner meat of the banana anyway. Why pay so much more for a word? Because people are gullible and sheepish.

Trader Joes does so much business because of the image it sells. People who shop there think they are participating in something special; buying foods which instead of containing things like "high fructose corn syrup" contain "cane sugar". Think your body knows the difference? No of course not, its simple chemistry. People shop there because the hippies who run the checkout stands which, by the way, are named after the streets in your town (again stop with the patronizing TJ, you jackass) ask if you have a reusable bag you'd like to have your groceries put into. If you don't, you are bad. People who shop there like the other types of people who shop there too; reasonably affluent white middle-class types who drive Volvo XC wagons and Subaru Foresters. You see, this type of Bellinghamster claims to like diversity but only if their exposure is limited to a parade here and there, and nice ethnic restaurants. You won't find them living on the corner of Texas and Valencia street! (Bellingham reference) Geez, at least the conservatives are honest about being assholes. Liberals are assholes but don't know it.

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Now that summer is in full swing the streets on which I commute are seeing many, many more cyclists, people who don't ride for the 7 month rainy season and hence are slow and out of shape nonetheless determined in their mission to break every single traffic law on the books. They constantly get in my way while they shimmy about on their squeaky machines going to god knows where... I 'should' be happy to see more people commuting on bikes but after 3 years of this on-off season cycle, I prefer empty bike paths, I really do. This isn't to say I'd like them all to be driving cars, because thats even worse, I'd actually prefer if they'd just disappear. Fair right?

This heat is really getting to me.