hot and bothered

It was so bloody hot out today, high 80s, high humidity... I almost couldn't take it; I nearly sweated my manhood off.

Coming home from work and drinking 4 cold beers, then taking a nap, naked, on the bathroom floor didn't help. I had thought the cool tiles would feel good, and they did for a while until my body heated them up while I slept. I awoke in a state that required a shower.

So I was reading online for tips to 'beat the heat' when I came across this pearl:

"Drink plenty of water. You can’t sweat if you’re dehydrated. While some traditions, such as Ayurveda, discourage consumption of cold liquids, they’ll temporarily cool your body core. Alcohol and caffeinated drinks tend to dehydrate, so choose wisely."

What? Why would I, or should I give any thought to what the Ayurveda says about drinking cold water? I remembering reading those texts in various Eastern Philosophy classes and they said all types of things about medicine and health, almost all of them completely wrong. Why would anyone subscribe to health practices that are thousands of years old, written by people who believed semen is one of the seven primary elements of the world? Oh yeah, because people are stupid.

This reminds me of a time in Taiwan, when after hiking around some coastal gardens touring a large rice research farm a friend asked if I'd like a cup of water. 'Yes please' I replied. He disappeared into the kitchen to return with a cup of nearly boiling water. I looked at him incredulously and he informed me that according to Chinese traditional medicine cold water is terrible for your health (it upsets your inner tao). Right, so all those years in Alaska spent drinking ice cold Coke while working outside in -20 weather was bad? Inner tao... i think the black side of my yin-yang has completely bled over the white half. Whatever!

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Last week I went into Trader Joes for the first time in about 6 months. For those who don't know what that is, good. Count your blessings. For those who want to know, Trader Joes is a multi-billion dollar chain of organic food stores and a perfect setting for studying horrible reasoning habits. Before I dive in though I gotta say this; why do they hand write their price stickers? Who do they think they are kidding with that 'Mah and Pah' store bullshit? Your company has more money than god so stop patronizing me with the retarded Crayola written stickers taped below the over priced organic bananas you sophists.

Anyways, back to the organic bananas, Trader Joes places them right next to a stack of non-organic bananas which obviously cost a good deal less. Now, anyone with half a brain could do some research and learn that the supposed pesticides used in the bananas aren't even dangerous, but even if they were they wouldn't reach the inner meat of the banana anyway. Why pay so much more for a word? Because people are gullible and sheepish.

Trader Joes does so much business because of the image it sells. People who shop there think they are participating in something special; buying foods which instead of containing things like "high fructose corn syrup" contain "cane sugar". Think your body knows the difference? No of course not, its simple chemistry. People shop there because the hippies who run the checkout stands which, by the way, are named after the streets in your town (again stop with the patronizing TJ, you jackass) ask if you have a reusable bag you'd like to have your groceries put into. If you don't, you are bad. People who shop there like the other types of people who shop there too; reasonably affluent white middle-class types who drive Volvo XC wagons and Subaru Foresters. You see, this type of Bellinghamster claims to like diversity but only if their exposure is limited to a parade here and there, and nice ethnic restaurants. You won't find them living on the corner of Texas and Valencia street! (Bellingham reference) Geez, at least the conservatives are honest about being assholes. Liberals are assholes but don't know it.

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Now that summer is in full swing the streets on which I commute are seeing many, many more cyclists, people who don't ride for the 7 month rainy season and hence are slow and out of shape nonetheless determined in their mission to break every single traffic law on the books. They constantly get in my way while they shimmy about on their squeaky machines going to god knows where... I 'should' be happy to see more people commuting on bikes but after 3 years of this on-off season cycle, I prefer empty bike paths, I really do. This isn't to say I'd like them all to be driving cars, because thats even worse, I'd actually prefer if they'd just disappear. Fair right?

This heat is really getting to me.

Friday Rant: CRAIGSLIST ANGER

Craigslist Follies:

Specialized Hardrock - Asking price: $250

"So I have this bike my friend gave me before he moved back east.
I have no idea what year it is, frame size, or anything. Its mountain bike sized. Aftermarket premium seat/stump guard. Email if you want to take a look. Its in great condition."


Where to begin with this one... Let me start with what we don't know about this bike.

• Model Year
• Model type
• Frame Size
• 'Anything'

Now lets establish what we do know:

• It is most likely a bicycle
• Its 'mountain bike sized'
• 'After market premium seat'
• has a 'stump guard'
• great condition
• price: $250

I'm tempted to really go crazy on this one, but I have a strong feeling the poster is at least mildly retarted, perhaps with a slight case of downs syndrome or autism. That being said, I am actually quite curious about this 'stump guard' and what exactly it does. I've smashed into a good number of stumps in my day, so if there is some component out there that would help to to avoid those goddamn trail terrorists, I just might be willing to drop the $250 clams. Plus, I'd being helping a retarted kid, and that would make me feel good.

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2001 Klein Adept Comp - Asking price: $2500

The frame is a 2001 Klein Adept Comp, Jamaican Gold Paint. The only stock parts are the shock, rims, and hubs. I'm 6' 2" and this fits like a glove. All aftermarket parts are 2007 unless otherwise noted.

Fox Float Fork:

Rock Shox Reba Race w/Pop-Loc 100mm

Headset: Cane Creek S-3 Crankset:

Race Face Evolve XC 175mm 22-32-44 w/external BB

Stem: Sette Edge 120mm 10deg 25.4mm clamp Bars:

Sette Vector 7075, flat, 5deg sweep, 25.4mm Grips:

Sette V-type Seat Post: FSA FR200 Saddle:

Titec Pluto, Ti-Rails Front Derailer:

2006 XT Rear Derailer:

XTR Top Normal, long cage, w/avid rollamajig (sweet)

blah, blah blah

What an idiot. For those who aren't familiar with Klein, they were a company famous for their intensely ugly full-suspension bikes which were legendary for their poor performance. I can only imagine how tangibly horrid this 'Jamaican gold' Klein must look resting in a noon-day sun... Who is this guy kidding? As a cheap bastard, I know that every single part he bought for this shitty frame comes directly from Pricepoint's Bargain Basement page. Realistically this bike should be selling for $400 TOPS. This guy must be a roadie, or ride a 29er rigid single-speed because only someone with a seatpost permanently lodged up their lycra-clad butt would dare ask $2500 for this POS.

Oh and by the way, in case you think I fished for these, I selected both these adds from the 4 most recent posts on Craigslist's Bellingham bike page. PEOPLE ARE STUPID!

Commuting Thoughts, Ride Update

It was a good week. I find happiness in simplicity, so in that regard I was successful. As long as I can keep all the useless, needless, complicated crap out of my life I'll be alright. Sabrina pretty much just rolls her eyes at me now when I yell at the commercials during 'Lost' - but man! If I was to believe even a small fraction of the commercial claims on television I should be one sorry, depressed loser. I believe the essence of simplicity is Aristotelian; it is finding the middle path between virtue and vice, too much and too little. I used to think it would be safe to fall on the side of too much wealth, but as I get older I'm not so sure. Material wealth in excess is an intoxicant which clouds one's ability to perceive reality as it really is. Its far too easy to get caught up in what you have and neglect who you are - I try to continually remind myself of this.

My legs feel like jelly today. I hit the hill on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and wanted to go today but convinced myself otherwise, for the sake of my legs. So as a compromise I spent some time riding slowly around some scenic parts of town just enjoying the view. I picked up the new issue of MBUK (Mountain Bike UK) at a news-stand and sat next to a stream for a while reading in the sun- very relaxing.

Now onto some rants!

I've been seeing more people out riding lately which has been cool. But just by my observations, unscientific as they may be, it seems like the amount of cars hasn't decreased. What irony. I hear people that just moved here talking occasionally. They like Bellingham because its less populated than their old city-homes, less cars, less traffic, less rush. They want to live somewhere quieter, and by golly they think they found what they were looking for here. This is a perfect example of the human mind's ability to compartmentalize contradictory beliefs. These people seem to have no problem, or no idea that the very lifestyle they wish to escape is the same lifestyle they are bringing here with them! All these 2 SUV households with their huge, over-elaborate homes are producing a continual push to subdivide the surrounding wilderness areas, and it is happening at an alarming rate. Pavement is such a blite upon the landscape; dead, lifeless, ugly, yet it is the calling card of the car driven lifestyle. I think the next time I see one of the monstrous SUVs with an environmentalist bumper sticker on it parked at the Organic Co-Op I'm gonna climb up onto the hood and take a dump on it right then and there. If I get yelled at I'll just start screaming "ITS ALL NATURAL! ITS ALL NATURAL!" Then I'll ask for some toilet paper.

Loud music. Whether its coming from the neighbors upstairs, or some shaved-head wannabe-gangster in an ugly rice rocket driving down the street I can't stand it. And why, seriously why, is it nearly always rap music? It seems like these days people have lost their love of silence. Maybe being alone with one's thoughts is too scary, because of what they might find (or not find). I think the pervasiveness of mindless music is symptomatic of the loss of introspection in our culture.

I have a good amount of pictures this time : 4-22-07 Weekend in Pictures

Riding, Ranting, Organic Food BS

It was a wet week; I think I got rained on 4 out of the 5 weekdays. I don't really mind it, but it makes trying to dry out clothes a difficult task. Sometimes I miss the sun too, although it did come out at times today. Saturday it rained most of the day, but as soon as it let up in the evening I walked down to the grocery store. On my way back the sun began shining through a small whole in the clouds and I was treated to the most vibrant rainbow I've ever seen. As I walked, watching it, the wind began to blow and the rainbow slowly moved across the sky till it was almost over my head. I find it easy to understand why many cultures and myths attributed the rainbow to supernatural powers, but I find equal beauty in knowing that rainbows are an optical phenomena created by the refraction of sunlight dispersing itself between drops of rain water. As I neared home, the rainbow began to quickly fade and then, a moment later, it was gone. Life to death in 10 minutes; a natural lecture on the brevity of life, if I may borrow a biological metaphor.

I purchased the latest issue of "Skeptical Inquiry" Saturday and boy is it a good one. I think I might scan some of the articles to post here later, I found some quite moving.

I had a nice ride today at the mountain. It was real muddy but the sun was out so I felt pretty good. I rode a couple different trails than my normal route, most notably "SST" - Super Sonic Transport, Galbraith's only DH race trail. It is SUPER FAST! A good time for sure.

Here is a short piece I wrote about the growing problem of Organic Food.

And here are a few pictures (literally just a few) from the weekend: 3-25-2007 weekend in pictures.

Sprint Time Rant

Damn Hippies!

Ah spring... The signs are here; fragrant cherry blossoms, stinky dog crap, green leaf buds, warmer temps, (even) more cars, and odiferous hippies. Yes folks, hippies. Believe it or not, I think they actually push up out of the ground in the spring like hibernating animals, and judging by the smell, not too far from the growing piles of dog crap either.

Lately I've noticed more hippies on bikes during my commutes. Sure, this is a good thing in principal, I love to see anyone on a bike, but the way these hippies act on their bikes is what peeves me to the core. For example, today I was riding home and I came up to a stop sign at a relatively busy highway. As I start slowing down I notice another rider coming from the other direction; a hippy. As the hippy gets closer to it's respective stop sign I notice that it isn't slowing down; in fact its speeding up! The dumbass hippy proceeds to blow right through the stop sign without even a hesitation or a look right or left! Geez! Thankfully no car was coming at that moment or I'd be picking stinking pieces of hippy flesh out of my teeth for the next couple weeks. As the hippy passes by me I look at it with utter astonishment and notice a handwritten sign taped to its back which reads "NO WAR". I almost didn't know what to think at first, but then I came to my senses. Like all rational people I'm opposed to Emperor Bush's adolescent idiocy in the Middle East yet I choose to elevate my dissent to the level of rational discourse. This hippy, with it's sign on it's back took my argument and metaphorically rubbed it in dog crap. "NO WAR" ?!!??! What the hell is a cardboard sign on the back of a cotton wearing, granola eating, non-helmet wearing stink factory supposed to prove? Man I'll bet all those Right-wing Fundamentalist Republican fatties driving their Ford F-850 double dually 5X extended cab trucks must get aroused just at the thought of swerving their steering wheels just ever so little when they see those mobile billboards of stupidity. There is almost nothing I dislike more than someone who takes an argument that I hold dear and mutilates it. But it gets worse:

It was about a week ago and I had just got home from the office when I noticed movement outside my window. Native Bellingham Hippies; on tandem bikes, a rather rare breed. As I looked them up online I found that this specific breed is marked by extreme self-righteousness, excessive body hair, and a pungent vinegar aroma. As I closed the window, I watched the hippies fail to stop at TWO stop signs, and noticed... you guessed it, cardboard signs on their backs. "NO BLOOD FOR OIL", "PEACE", and other nonsensical phrases. I don't own a gun, so I just bottled up my anger on the inside.

The bottom line is this: all winter, during the crappy weather, snow, ice and gloom I never once saw a hippy outside. This leaves me with a lingering suspicion; that the hippies were driving cars. My suspicion is offered even more evidence by the fact that only now, with the warmer temps am I actually starting to see them. Do their ideologies only reach so far as their comfort level? Apparently yes; which is the real reason I despise the hippy life; it wreaks of hypocrisy. Where were the hippies on the 10 degree days? The days it snowed a foot? They sure as hell weren't out riding with me. There is nothing I want to see more than societies built around human powered transportation instead of the automobile filth, and I suspect the hippies would agree with me, but only in principal. I'm positive that when it came time to really put their convictions to the test most of them would fall flat on their faces, eating their own words. So what do they do? They exercise their beliefs when the weather is nice, but even then they can't get it right: stupid signs, no helmets, complete disregard for traffic laws and a lack of common sense. They are creating a bad image for the rest of us cyclists who ride every day, obey the laws and deal with enough garbage from stupid drivers as it is.

Can I get an AMEN BROTHER?