Go Green
Blowhard: "A boaster or braggart. - a conceited and self-centered person" n. Informal
Green: "Favoring or supporting environmentalism. - Lacking sophistication or worldly experience; naive" n.
Geen Blowhard: "One who favors environmental legislation by forcing their views onto other people, so long as it requires no effort from them. - Prius Driver, resident of Bellingham, WA. n. Formal
"Green" is the new vogue. Everywhere you look you see people with square-rimmed glasses and fashionable clothes spouting off salient talking points from the Live Earth website. 'Hey, did you know that even after you turn your electronics off they still draw electricity?' Or, "Rule #49 for reducing global warming: Buy less stuff."
The more I read about the movement, the more I become unsure of things. Nearly every green site I read, flyer I see, or commercial I watch is adnorned with fashionable white people (with an occasional black sprinkled in) with hip haircuts, nice looking shoes and perfect skin. They are always smiling while they drive their fuel efficient vehicles and listen to unique indie music by bands with names that start with "The". This visual assault has led me to the conclusion that I can never be green. I'm just not cool enough.
First of all, I can't afford a hybrid, or even a fuel efficient small car. Whats more, I don't even like driving, I actually dislike it. Apparently to be green you must not only love driving, but you must drive the right type of vehicle. However there is a loophole; you can still drive a SUV and be green as long as you complain at least 5 times a day about your oil usage, and how you'd like to reduce it, and you possess a collection of indie music and square-rimmed glasses no less than 30% larger than a hybrid driver.
When I have free time I usually spend it doing three different things: mountain biking, playing video games, or messing around on my computer. Again, not cool enough. Mountain biking involves copious sweating and the wanton destruction of fragile ecosystems with said sweat and knobby tires. Any good greenie knows the forests are to be seen, but not entered. Then theres the video games; time that should be spent talking about Obama's campaign in a coffee shop or shopping for vintage clothes at a thrift store.
Most importantly though, to be green you must worship the divine prophet through whom all knowledge and wisdom flows:
Green: "Favoring or supporting environmentalism. - Lacking sophistication or worldly experience; naive" n.
Geen Blowhard: "One who favors environmental legislation by forcing their views onto other people, so long as it requires no effort from them. - Prius Driver, resident of Bellingham, WA. n. Formal
"Green" is the new vogue. Everywhere you look you see people with square-rimmed glasses and fashionable clothes spouting off salient talking points from the Live Earth website. 'Hey, did you know that even after you turn your electronics off they still draw electricity?' Or, "Rule #49 for reducing global warming: Buy less stuff."
The more I read about the movement, the more I become unsure of things. Nearly every green site I read, flyer I see, or commercial I watch is adnorned with fashionable white people (with an occasional black sprinkled in) with hip haircuts, nice looking shoes and perfect skin. They are always smiling while they drive their fuel efficient vehicles and listen to unique indie music by bands with names that start with "The". This visual assault has led me to the conclusion that I can never be green. I'm just not cool enough.
First of all, I can't afford a hybrid, or even a fuel efficient small car. Whats more, I don't even like driving, I actually dislike it. Apparently to be green you must not only love driving, but you must drive the right type of vehicle. However there is a loophole; you can still drive a SUV and be green as long as you complain at least 5 times a day about your oil usage, and how you'd like to reduce it, and you possess a collection of indie music and square-rimmed glasses no less than 30% larger than a hybrid driver.
When I have free time I usually spend it doing three different things: mountain biking, playing video games, or messing around on my computer. Again, not cool enough. Mountain biking involves copious sweating and the wanton destruction of fragile ecosystems with said sweat and knobby tires. Any good greenie knows the forests are to be seen, but not entered. Then theres the video games; time that should be spent talking about Obama's campaign in a coffee shop or shopping for vintage clothes at a thrift store.
Most importantly though, to be green you must worship the divine prophet through whom all knowledge and wisdom flows:
Labels: Al Gore, Bellingham environmentalism, Green
posted by doeman at
8:46 PM
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