Crazy Bicycle

Obstacle

2010-03-05T09:49:00.001-08:00

The other day I was riding home from Galbraith Mt., down a greenway when I came across a gaggle of humans that had me absolutely perplexed. See Fig. 1 below for a technical illustration of what I saw:

Fig. 1

I'm not exagerating... the greenway was maybe 20 feet wide, and spread across the entire width was this lot: a wheelchaired old man, an old woman using a walker, an old woman using legs, and two old women walking two dogs on long leashes.
My overactive imagination started coming up with explanations immediately: maybe they mistook the Whatcom Falls Parking lot for the Old Country Buffet parking lot? Perhaps they were headed to a tea-bagger protest and got lost. Or, most likely, they had planned their excursion to coincide directly with my bike ride.

The problem with old people is that they can't hear anything. My cries of "ON YOUR LEFT" went unheeded completely. And as if coordinated by an evil math genius they were all exactly an equal distance apart so getting between them wasn't going to be easy. So I did what any sane person would in my situation, I picked up speed and aimed for a hole right between the walker and wheelchair. I figured they'd be slowest to respond anyway... and they were. As soon as I was about mid-way between them I slammed my rear brake and whipped the bike around Dog #2, regained composure quickly and bunny hopped the leash of Dog #1 and in so doing conjured up my best Mel Gibson voice and bellowed "FREEEEEEDOM!!!"

As I rode away I looked back to survey my battlefield. The lot looked mostly unaffected except for the wheel chaired woman who managed to half-heartedly raise and shake her fist at me in protest

Clarity

2010-02-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

I piloted my Kierkegaardian ship into an iceberg last week and many people drowned. The chorus of voices in my head is now a little quieter since the herd has been thinned: the crash had this effect.. the weak couldn't make it and therefore died off. I got dark night of Soul-ed. Ironically, I didn't see it coming. guess ya never do, guess it would defeat the purpose if you did.

Anyhow, here is a video of the Ridge Trail from last week.

Nostalgic

2010-02-16T23:49:00.000-08:00

A desire hit me tonight, a small tickle in the back of my head. I know this itch, and I know how to scratch it... the itch is called nostalgia; she and I are good friends. I've found in my life that the amount of time nostalgia spends visiting is directly correlated with how well things are going in day to day life. Things good? Nostalgia stays away. Things not so good? You get a knock on your door.

So yeah, the itch... Tonight I popped a dvd into the computer, "The Collective", the first bike movie I ever really loved. I associate this movie with the explosion of '04 when the Natemare, Sades and I really discovered the joy of two wheeled drugs, the sport and life that is biking. When I think back to this time the biggest feeling that comes up in my mind is the pleasurable anxiety I used to feel when I wasn't riding. I was working in an office at the time, while attending school, but my mind was never really invested in either of those two pursuits. All I wanted to do was ride my bike. Thats it. So simple, so honest. The Collective reminds me of this drive that still exists inside.

No matter what happens in this strange weird life I always know that there is a constant. The bike. I guess this is the essence of the good life... at least for some.

Ride Report: Feb. 13

2010-02-15T12:27:00.000-08:00

Blogger sent out an email, and I was probably the only recipient. They said that 99.99% of all Blogger users host their posts on Google's servers. The rest of us (the .01%) FTP kilobytes to our own private web servers or webspace. This math is unacceptable to the Google so they are discontinuing FTP capabilities for Blogger at some indeterminate point in the future... I probably shouldn't have deleted the email. Oh well. This just means that we'll lose the Blogger interface and have to find another solution, or just go back to playing with HTML.

Anyways, the early spring continues, things are blooming and the temps haven't left the 50s for weeks... amazing really. I took a ride Saturday and while it was rainy, muddy and slow I filmed a few trails anyway:

Citizens United vs FEC

2010-01-25T09:54:00.000-08:00

Politically speaking I don't know shit about crap, or was it 'shit from crap'? Anyways, either way, it takes something big to crack the gates of my ignoramous kingdom, something blatant and not subtle... This recent Supreme Court ruling to remove limits on campaign spending is, like, bad right? Some egg-head at the Univ. of Wisconsin calculated that,

"The nation's four largest banks would have to allocate a mere one-tenth of one percent of their assets--$6 billion--to counter a campaign in which the whole of the U.S. labor movement spent all of its assets."

I'm counting on all fingers and toes here and the math looks bad... How can labor interests compete in a system where the corporate financial institutions have more buying power in wet fart than the unions have in their entire coffers?
We already know that politicians do exactly what their donors ask, so what becomes of our 'democracy' when those campaign contributions limits are waved entirely...? Geez, you don't need a liberal or conservative talking head to tell you this is not so good.

The real losers here? The teary-eyed folks who voted for our Democrat leaders with hopes of Hope in their dreams and 'Yes we Can' bumper stickers on their Toyota Pious-es. They really thought their interests would be represented by this new, blue majority and what do they have to show?

Ride Report: Jan 23

2010-01-23T22:32:00.001-08:00

The past week was warm behind the norm; temps sat in the mid-upper 50s and it didn't rain. My ride desire was off the charts, so I did night rides Monday, Wed, and Friday... the Wednesday ride was crazy, I rode to the top of the mountain, to Whoopsie Woodle and then all the way back down to the top of Ridge. The view from the top, of the mountains basked in moon light was just epic and it made me think that if I could write profound things then this view would give me the appropriate inspiration.

Saturday, today, was mission was to head up to 'Natural Selection', the trail Nate helped me finish once he moved to Bellingham and 'cam' it. The cam turned out pretty good considering the somewhat beaten state of the trail. I filmed a little tour before the ride, so I'll let the shaky camera work speak for itself:

Also, the helmet cam of Natural Selection with pieces of some other trails too:

Cheese attack!

2010-01-20T13:05:00.001-08:00

A coworker handed me a piece of cheese today and said 'try this, its strong.' Without really thinking I tossed it into my mouth and bit down... immediatley my senses were overcome by a taste that can only be described as putrid. What I wanted to ask, but didn't, was how ugly was the Frenchman whose ass this piece of white hell was pulled from? Usually I will give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to tastes; different strokes for different folks, but no human likes this cheese, its just not possible given our natural biology. Some may 'claim' to like this cheese, but only because they are being snobby and trying to prove some vague sense of superiority by eating something that literally tastes like ass. I don't like those kinds of people, they're the same thin-lipped types who claim to like The White Stripes' music. Don't do that people, a turd is a turd, just admit it ok?

I don't know the name of the cheese; just that its french, but based on the mouth-rape I just suffered I think we could make an argumented for justified war on the Surrender Monkeys. We'll bomb their vinyards and build breweries in the still smoldering ashes. We'll slaughter the cows that made the milk for this cheese and send the beef to McDonalds for use in Big Macs. Then, during an especially dark and cloudy night we'll secretly steal their fancy cigarettes and replace them with menthols! Take that Frenchies!

We've been watching...

2010-01-19T22:18:00.000-08:00

I used to have this fantasy which I know some can relate to, where I would be living my normal life and one day perform some act of great dexterity like catching a fly between two fingers, or splitting a gnarled piece of wood with three perfectly placed strokes, or catching a dish right as it falls off the counter only to feel a firm hand on my shoulder and a deep voice voice resonating behind me: "We've been watching you candidate Shields, please come with us." I would then be whisked away in the back of a Black 7-series to some bad-ass training camp where I'd spend 6 months being trained as a one man Army, Jason Bourne style; they'd teach me to do all kinds of stuff, how to fight, hot-wire cars, hack into computer systems, and convince beautiful women to sleep with me simply by lowering my brow and pointing... It'd be so awesome. I'd be a mercenary who played by his own rules! 'They' would give me the missions, but I'd be the one calling the shots because of course, I'd be the expert. I'd leave devastation in my wake and broken hearts in port cities around the world, I'd be both mysterious and hyper-intelligent, I would play chess with old Jewish men and after placing their king in check mate they'd shake their heads and look up at me in disbelief, but I'd already be gone. My hands would be registered as deadly weapons in 9 different European countries and I'd have a really cool pair of glasses.

But... the hand on the shoulder never came, there was no deep resonating voice either. I'm still not playing by my own rules and the women aren't swooning. The only beatings I learned to administer were... well, you know. I did move within the past year, maybe they didn't get my change of address? If so, I've needlessly murdered a lot of flies..

Ride Report Jan. 16

2010-01-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

Friday night I rode. It was a half-good decision, half-bad decision. The entire previous week it had rained, and needless to say the mountain was in a muddy state. During the day this just means you go slower, but at night it means you can't see the trail AND you go slower. it was good though, all in all, I rode Ridge Trail, up to Polo, over to Intestine and back down to Ridge. A solid XC-night ride.

Saturday I rode again. My efforts to go fast were severely hampered by sore legs, soft trails, and a bad case of swamp-ass (not the taco bell kind, the type where you carry 29 pounds of mud on your butt) nevertheless I pushed onward and had a good time. I was able to helmet cam SST, bonanza and the bottom of ridge. I won't say the videos are anything special, given the conditions (and the aformentioned swamp-ass), but I offer them to you dear reader, as a visual meditation of the best kind, the bike kind.

An update...

2010-01-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess it's about that time. I've moved, yet again, back to the Big Island. I'm working hard at two jobs, going to school full time and attempting to keep up with my internship at the State Historical Preservation Division office, all the while, juggling baby, mama and biking as much as possible. It's a lot to keep in the air at once, but I'm actually feeling pretty confident about the position I've put myself in.
Short term, obviously is a second degree in Anthropology, specializing in Archaeology and Cultural Resource Management. Classes this semester include Human Evolution, Geology of the Hawaiian Islands and History of Anthropological Theory- all of great interest to me. Day two in Geology and I'm kicking myself for not majoring in it... maybe sometime in the future I'll come back for more.
Long term, I've got grad school on the horizon for next or the following fall. Hopefully in Pullman, WA, but it's a tough one to get in to.
My immediate concerns are to ride as much as possible while doing well in school and playing with Audrey.
As for the riding, I came back only just in time to save the trail from complete obliteration. I had a sense that I was the most recent rider that had graced its paths nearly two years prior. Finally today, I was able to clear the very last of the trees from the college trail and only after some minor re-routing was I able to navigate around a fallen Banyan tree, but only after twisting my machete into scrap. Unfortunately I was not able to procure video evidence of all the misgivings of the trail in its original condition, I was able to capture some essence of the neglect it has endured in my absence.

No True Scotsmen: The moving goal post fallacy

2010-01-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

Mel: All Scotsmen love Haggis
Ethan: My uncle doesn't like Haggis, and he is Scottish
Mel: Well, all true Scotsmen love Haggis

The problem in our politically correct world is the infatuation with this kind of thinking. When the term of dispute can be redefined in an ad-hoc manner, then we might as well be standing on political and ethical quick sand. When a Muslim terrorist says 'I want to blow up the airplane because Allah commands it', I tend to believe him. Liberals will tell us that he is confused, his theology is unrefined, he is not a true 'Scotsman'. They will tell us that the Islamist extremist concerns are political in nature, not religious, and that if he just had some of the nice things that we in the West have he wouldn't be so upset. I smell bullshit... I can think of only one human-created method of thought that allows for the existence pious hatred like we see in Muslim terrorists: faith. Yet we are called intolerant bigots for denouncing faith, by both the conservatives (who are faithful) and the liberals (who are pussies).

No society or individual has ever suffered for an overabundance of reason. Nobody has ever said, "Boy, that Mr. Bates sure isn't doing himself any good by thinking so logically!". Yet what system of thought convinces people its a good idea to murder abortion doctors, or inhibit free speech? What virtue, prized above all others in our society turns off the '1 + 1 = 2' section of our brains? Thats right.

Ride Report: Jan. 3, 2010

2010-01-03T23:54:00.000-08:00

I had an argument with myself today. The topic of dispute was whether to start writing more about riding, or not. The debate was heated, with both sides presenting strong point, counter-attacks, but in the end I came out victorious. This is why I like arguing with myself, I always win.

-----

6 months, its amazing how quickly it passes by. In an instant you can flash from the sweltering days of an unbearable summer to the cool rain and mist of winter. These thoughts floated whimsically through my head as I ventured out to the trail, the project of 2009. Nate and I had a dream plan to create the ultimate DH link-up from mid-Galbraith down to the bottom of the hill. For reasons unspoken, work stopped on this trail a while back, as it too often does on this kind of dream project. Things get in the way you see, life beats you down, or lifts you up. Jobs, family, what have you... they all conspire to keep the trail in a state of limbo, in that lingering where it is unclear if the builders will finish the job or the forest will swallow up the hours and erase all traces of the work and sweat invested into the dirt.

This was the state I found the trail in today. All the leaves are down now, carpeting the trail in a thick interlaced weave. It would take a lot of rake work to move this lot, I thought to myself. As Nate and I had speculated, the stream bed which had remained dry all summer has since been replaced by a small babbling brook, whose musings are now audible throughout the entire trail, offering their opinions on the consistency of dirt, and the true direction of trail flow, I'm sure.

Melancholy is probably the feeling that would best describe what I think every time I come back to one of my neglected trails. The state of disrepair speaks to my absenteeism.

go ride a bike, punk

2009-12-22T12:27:00.000-08:00

Thats the last time I ever post something after drinking a 6-pack. Jesus H. Christ, most of the crap my fat fingers pound out is incomprehensible enough; I really don't know what I was on about in that last one.

So the last past year I've been mostly asleep. Not really awake, kind of dreaming but kind of not, almost like that state of being one experiences on a Saturday morning where you have to decide whether to get up, or sleep for another hour. I suppose there are reasons for this; there are reasons for most everything, but in this case I think they are entirely uninteresting. The most important piece of the riddle is the part which is now clear: mountain biking is fun again. I say 'again' with qualification: it was never not fun, but when you are in that fugue state I mentioned previously nothing is really very outstanding. But now I remember why I work and look forward to weekends: riding. That solemn activity has regained the belt of 'most important activity' via submission over apathy in the second round of a 5 round title bout. Long live the champion.

6-pack post, a tribute

2009-12-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

There is a lucidity the mind achieves by the 4th beer, especially when alone. You see, beer makes you earn your good times; you have to commit to the job, no goddamn shortcuts allowed. You either man up and roll with the ounces or you give up and call it a night. Maybe this is why beer is the drink of man; it takes a man to commit to a sixer on an empty stomach. Yeah, thats right, leave the pot for the skinny armed hippy pussies, I'll take my beer. Argh. Bench press and whatnot. Man stuff, testosterone, and high octante thoughts.

As I was saying, 5 beers in you start to feel good. The monitor in front of your face glows green for the bottles that have started to pile up like trophies, each a memory drowned if only temporarily. Beer of course makes other people interesting, that is a reason in and of itself to drink it. When you live in a liberal hotbed of sheepish idiots you need a stimulant to make things interesting every now and then; thin-lipped white chicks with subarus and organic food shops on every corner, how boring can you possibly get. These people, with their earth colored clothes and retarted ideals lack aspiration and motivation, they are like the moss that grows between the cracks of the sidewalk: easy to classify and know, always the same, never surprising, never dynamic. We drink so that we are able to imagine them speaking politically incorrect things. Right. Like that would ever happen. Ok, one more, almost there, almost enlightened.

Gotta pee.

do the evolution

2009-12-16T14:02:00.000-08:00

The other day I was driving home from work on a 5 lane street (two in each direction, one in the middle for turning) and I noticed that traffic was slowing in the outer left lane for no particular reason. Because I suffer from hyper-vigilism I immediatley started looking for a way out of the debacle. After switching lanes and regaining speed I witnessed the cause of the left-lane slow down; a cyclist. My verbal response came as an appeal to the Almighty: "Oh god, come on." I've spent a long time as a cyclist and thus one might assume I have some patience for my two-wheeled bretheren but one would be wrong. I have NONE. Because I am a cyclist, I know more than anyone else that this jerkwad should not be taking up an entire lane of rush hour traffic. I'm no saint, but would never do that on my bike; I hate to inconvienence other people way too much to exercise a symbolic right. Just because you 'can' do something doesn't mean you 'should'. We would all be pissed if a car was doing 12mph in a 35 mph zone, so why should the spandex clad nutbag get a pass? Equal treatment bro, equal treament.

Yes, yes, I know all the benefits of bike commuting Mr. Spandex Dude: you don't have to pay road taxes, you don't have to register your bike, don't have to obey any traffic rules, and best of all you get to harbour a pious attitude towards any one not biking. Its great, I've been there and I still visit occasionally. I've indulged that self serving spirit thousands of times as I pulled up to a store or building and scoffed at all the fat asses waddling from their vehicles. Now I don't care. I'm a nihilist who discovered the door to self-awareness but was too apathetic to open it. I'm an idealist who read Hume and had second thoughts. I'm a blowhard who got punched in the stomach and lost his breath. I'm a blues singer who won the lottery and lost his spirit. I'm a hackneyed blogger who has reached his limits of attempted hyperbole.

Inspired by true events

2009-12-14T10:30:00.000-08:00

The following is a story which has half its foundation in truth, and the other half in reality.

I'll never tailgate a driver who is doing the speed limit, but I'll tailgate the life out of someone doing 29 in a 35. The other day I was heading home, and making damn good time until I got lodged behind a late model Subaru Forester driven by a chick with short hair and thin lips who was cruising just above 25 (in a 35mph zone). My response was immediate: TAILGATE TIME! so I assumed my position 2 microns off her rear bumper. After getting settled behind her, about 9 dogs which had been previously laying down in the Subaru's back seats plastered themselves to the rear window like a gaggle of retarded sticky-pawed Garfield toys all interested in their new buddy: me. This really set me off: 'why' I asked my silent interlocutor, do people have to fit stereotypes so perfectly? Why are all Forester drivers chicks with thin lips and no interest in dudes? Why do they all have that same tired "end(less) this war" bumper sticker? And seriously, whats with all the dogs? Why do women who don't like men really like dogs? I was finally able to downshift and fly past her once I got an opening, but the damage was already done. Now I was seeing stereotypes everywhere: soccer moms in SUVs using no turn signals, angsty looking emo kids leaving their highschools, grumpy looking white dudes driving trucks and keeping an eye out for minorities, the Energy-Drink-type-guys in Evo 8s and WRXs revving their engines next to me at the stoplights...

Then it hit me... all the while I'd been picturing myself a moral crusader, a vigilante fighting the good fight against the slow and inconsiderate, but really I was just one of them! A brick in the wall, a dingleberry hanging off the ass-hair of this grand ridiculous world. Far from being the toilet paper, I was really no different than anyone else! Instantly I was awash in regret for how I had treated my lesbian sister in the Subaru. I wanted to go tell her that I supported her decision to cause a 15 car train behind her, and that while the lifestyle isn't for me, I would defend her right to do strange things with wheatgrass and enjoy 'alternative' medicines. I smiled as I cranked up the 'Mofro' on the radio and edged off the bumper of the Civic in front of me. It suddenly all made sense to me, 'hey man' I thought, 'live and let live'. 'Who am I to judge if you want to drive 10mph under the speed limit or own more dogs than an Iditarod musher.' This feeling, is this what they call love? The Mofro song was really hitting the chorus now, "...the higher you climb the further you fall" mmm, hmmm, I thought, so true. 'Aspiration is the quickest way to the top, but the fastest way to crash' I said to myself. Being a dingleberry isn't so bad... I should turn around and find that lesbian so I can apologize for my tailgating.

Just as I was about to pull into a parking lot to turn around the Civic in front of me changed lanes without signalling. At first nothing happened, I continued to stare straight ahead. But then my head started to twitch, the left corner of my mouth started to pull back towards my neck, and like that scene in "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" my hippy heart suddenly grew 10x its normal size... and burst. I slammed the throttle and peeled away from the parking lot and within seconds was microns off the bumper of the civic; eyes bloodshot and Red Bull once again circulating through my veins, the Toilet Paper is back I growled!

Obama bowed, repubs scowled

2009-11-17T13:36:00.001-08:00

Pres. Obama bowed to the emperor of Japan recently. It was a nice gesture of respect I thought, a harmless acknowledgement of a culture different than our own. But conservatives are pissed because in their minds the only appropriate response of another world leader, when meeting an American president, is aggressive fellatio.

Death or Glory

2009-10-28T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've been replaying the lyrics from an old 'The Clash' song in my head for some time now:

"Every gimmick hungry slob digging gold from rock and roll grabs a mic to tell us he'll die before hes sold
but I believe in this and its been tested by research
that he who fucks nuns will later join the church
----
Death or Glory becomes just another story..."

Its all just terribly pessimistic isn't it? Maybe pessimistic is the wrong word, maybe its realistic. One of our cultural images is the iconic rebel without a cause, the James Dean-esq character whose purpose is to run against the grain, be a true independent anti-conformist type. We smile and nod knowingly at this archetype because at one point or another everyone has thought them self a rebel; its almost a necessary part of growing up.

What concerns me, generally speaking, is that line "he who fucks nuns will later join the church". Is it true that rebels eulogize the very cause they hold dear with their act of rebellion? Sometimes probably. I suppose it depends on how rooted the rebellion is in either emotion or reason. People who are angry at god usually find their way back to the faith of their fathers eventually: the reason being that the root cause of their initial dissension was some form of unsatisfaction not with the truth of the belief, but with some other aspect that once satiated reopened the doors to faith.

Or how about people like disgraced evangelist Ted Haggerd? He centered a large part of his ministry upon preaching against the sin of homosexuality and the sanctity of hetero marriage. Yet for all his guster and pious anger he spent a bunch of his free time getting plugged in the butt by some beefcake prostitute named Mike. Death or Glory indeed.

Think of all the people who fought for progressive causes in the 60s only to take a turn for the right once they made a few bucks later in life. Or the reverse, people raised in conservative environments who turned towards hedonism once they had a taste of what they once lived without.

Maybe in the end we'll just have a bunch of causes with no rebels.

Too Expensive

2009-10-12T14:45:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts ensue..

I don't know anything about healthcare other than it is damn expensive. The NCHC just quoted a recent study which says that on our current trajectory, by the year 2018 healthcare costs will account for nearly 4.4 trillion dollars, or about 30% of our GDP. They also said employer-paid healthcare for a family of four in 2018 will cost 25,000 a year. Geez, like I needed another reason to not want kids...

in 2007, 67% of all bankruptcies were due to medical expenses. 80% of those people who filed chapter 11 had healthcare. I suppose this makes sense because the uninsured don't pay for their hospital visits; which is just one more cause of increased premiums and costs.

Is a government program the answer to our problems? This study doesn't seem directly imply it; in three years Medicare and Medicaid will account for 50% of all healthcare costs.

Some of the reasons for these outrageous numbers are pretty clear: "inefficiencies, excessive administrative expenses, inflated prices, poor management and inappropriate care, waste and fraud". We also have a society which is increasingly obese and sick all the while being terribly afraid of death. We spend more on palliative care than any other nation. We also spend 1/3 of our healthcare money on things like unnecessary tests, bullshit idiocy like acupuncture and holistic 'cures', and other things that don't actually improve health. In this arena patients are to blame; their demands for shit that doesn't work is driving up our costs.

How can costs be lowered? The democrats currently control just about everything there is to control in government and they can't get any type of meaningful reform passed. Gutless morons... How could G. W. Bush pass just about anything he wanted while controlling nothing? Thanks Democrats for giving us Obama, a political eunuch.

Its hard to know what to think. Its obvious we have good doctors in this country, we have the top medical science and the best drugs, but we also have a public that wants more-more-more when it comes to healthcare. Maybe if we didn't view everything as a health problem we wouldn't spend so much.

I'm resisting the temptation to blame everything on insurance companies. The principal of Hanlon's Razor tells us that we shouldn't attribute to malice that which can be sufficiently explained by stupidity. Its not that Aetna and others are completely greedy; they surely are to some degree, but the people they are covering, the general public, is definitely stupid.

So, my conclusion is this: our health care is so expensive because we have a stupid populace which is serviced by a greedy insurance system.

Glorious Dawn

2009-10-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

Brilliant.

post hoc ergo propter hoc

2009-10-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

Lets talk critical thinking.

Assuming that correlation implies causation is a very prevalent error in thinking. The fallacy, in common use, is the assumption that a correlation (relationship) between two variables means that one caused the other.

I ate a sandwich which was made with 2 week old chicken salad and now I have a stomach ache.
:.Therefore 2 week old chicken salad causes stomachaches.

Wrong. Logically speaking that is. While the chicken salad might have caused the stomach ache, the pattern of thinking is not sound; the correlation does not 'prove' the causation, it merely implies or suggests it. The correlation in the example could be completely irrelevant. Maybe my stomach ache was simply transient, or caused by something else. Maybe it wasn't even a stomach ache at all, but a sign I had to take a dump. Maybe the old chicken salad soothed a stomach ache that was just flaring up! All we know is that this way of thinking brings us no closer to the actual truth of the matter.

The problem of this fallacy is further complicated when you realize there may even be errors in the correlated variables:

The rise in autism rates is due to the chemicals contained in vaccines.
:. Infant vaccinations are the cause of rising autism rates.

Not only is this popular argument a logical fallacy, but it contains factual errors in both premises:

"The rise in autism rates..." New data produced by the CDC has stated the autism prevalence rate at approx. 100 in 100,000 people or 1%. This is apparently higher than past studies which has led to the anti-vax crowd clamoring for an explanation. However, there are explanations for this apparent rise in rates. Our methods of detecting autism, not to mention a much higher awareness of the condition are most likely to blame. Scientific studies, not just phone interviews to not bear out a high statistical occurrence of the disease.

"Chemicals in vaccines cause autism" This claim has been thoroughly and categorically debunked by strict examinations by every reputable scientific agency. Despite the claims of mothers who 'know whats best for my baby!', there is no evidence to connect vaccine ingredients to autism rates.

There is currently no specific predictor of autism known at this time, a fact that does not sit well with some people, however this is the nature of medical science; all the answers are not yet known in a categorical sense. Hunting for correlations and then assuming causation is not a good way to understand reality, its a terrible way. Yet this is what we contend with in our society and thus it makes sense to point out when and where these people are wrong.

An observation about babies

2009-09-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

In the animal kingdom most species have cute babies. Humans are an exception to this rule; our babies are fat pudgy little things with none of the charm of a kitten or puppy. A select few female human babies do become cute by the age of 18, but even they are rare and their luster doesn't last.

The problem is that human babies all look like Winston Churchill. That is to say they share a lumpy, bald exterior and have the appearance of being drunk on gin just like the illustrious WW2 leader.

After coming to this realization a couple weeks ago I spent a few days patting myself on the back before I googled the idea and saw that I was not the first to think such a thought. Damn.

Now every time a coworker brings a baby into the office I can't not see the wise old Brit in baby form. Speaking metaphorically of course, because any time a baby physically enters the room every single woman within 100 meters goes apeshit and breaks into a dead sprint towards the small Winston, like zombies after untainted flesh. Actually 'seeing' the baby at this point is impossible, but not important because I know whos there under that cloud of estrogen. A great man, a great leader.

China says no beating off

2009-09-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

What opinion do conservatives, insecure women, and Communists have in common? A deep hatred of images portraying mutually consenting adults engaged in coitus. This brings me to today's topic:

A Proceedings paper from China came across my desk today, hardly an unusual occurence, but the topic of this one threw me. The paper was focused on the automatic censoring of 'sexual images' via affinity propagation clustering. Essentially what this means is that Chinese censors can run computer programs which analyze thousands of images through a program, and using a detection accuracy ratio, questionable content is highlighted and then compared to a sample database of images deemed inappropriate. If the image fails the test it is censored.

China is automatically blocking porn from the internet. For shame, for shame.

All Natural

2009-09-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

People with lots of nervous energy are really big on 'all-natural' things: food, clothing, hair products, etc, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what they are on about. What does natural even mean? Comes from the earth? In that case everything is natural, everything is made of atoms and has a chemical formula when you get down to it. I'm beginning to think that what 'all natural' really means is simply that the product has a sticker which says all natural. Heavy, I know.

Maybe all natural products are just another way to siphon extra money out of the pockets of gullible consumers. Maybe companies who market all natural products prey off the pure, but uninformed intentions of people who think that the world is full of scary bad things that exist in our food and our home products.

Fear does sell right? Conservatives buy up guns because they are afraid dark skinned people might try to rob them. Liberals would rather get robbed by said people than offend them, but are deathly afraid of evil chemicals in their food. Me? I'm afraid of specifics so I prefer to speak in generalities. We all have our vices. My point is this: shouldn't we be skeptical of companies who would sell us products based on non-specific fears of undetermined threats? Are GMO foods really going to hurt us, or are we now able to cheaply feed the world now that we have them. Is a semi-automatic assault rifle really the best protection against an intruder, or would a deadbolt on the door do the trick for a fraction of the financial and legal price. Think about it. Vague threats are a form of product in themselves and too many of us buy into them.

For me, when I see the 'all natural' label on a product I immediately wonder why the company is taking me for such a fool. For example Hansens Soda has the same ingredients as Coke, but Hansens carries an 'all natural' label and a higher price.

The FDA has actually been investigating the issue of vague 'all natural' labeling since 2004 and I'm not sure if they've reached any conclusions. Obviously the issue is subjective by nature, which has led to such gullibility in the minds of Americans, among whom the FDA surveyed that the all natural label is very persuasive. 64% of people polled reported they were more likely to buy products with the subjective label than products without, a reality testified to by the rise of companies like Trader Joes and the emergence of organic sections in nearly every grocery store.
Fear sells pretty damn well. So does sex. Now if Trader Joes could somehow simultaneously make me afraid the unnatural foods while somehow incorporating boobs into the equation they might have a new customer. Barring that, how about having their female workers start shaving their legs and armpits for a start.

Private vs. Public healthcare

2009-09-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to pretend I know a lot about the current healthcare debate, but I do think it's important to hear the perspectives of individuals living in countries with alternative systems. Here is a link to what I consider to be a good post on a Canadian's opinion of public vs. private healthcare.

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/08/21/public-health-care-canadian-perspective-on-myths-and-reality/