Palin

I have this instinct that I believe only an Alaskan can truly understand to duck my head whenever Sarah Palin's mug hits the boob tube. I understand exactly the way she speaks, the way she thinks. She plays the archetypal Alaskan independent, conservative, self righteous role perfectly. You see, a lot Alaskans believe they are pretty special and unique folks; and I get it, I really do. Alaska is a special place. We have more square miles of uninhabitable permafrost laden tundra than just about anywhere; which is in itself something to be exceptionally proud of. We also have a shit-load of moose and drunk natives which taste kind of like bland, mediocre beef (the moose, probably not the natives).

But the reason I duck is because of this weird lizard brain response I have that her words will somehow paint me within her camp. The cheapest trick available to a politician is the populist appeal; speaking in meaningless generalities, "we freedom loving Americans, unique independent minded Alaskans". I don't have a desire to be caught within that driftnet, not because I hate freedom but because I am embarrassed by her strident anti-intellectual stance on so many issues.

I don't think Sarah Palin is stupid; saying so would really be a dumb thing to claim. Clearly she is very talented, a great speaker, and has a way with people that most of us never will have. She knows how to play politics and achieve her goals. She is not stupid at all.

However... I fault her for her anti-intellectualism and reliance on blind faith to guide her opinions. Anti-intellectualism exhibits itself as a bias against learned opinions; a distrust of someone or some idea that has resulted from study and learning. It is an inherently reactionary position to take; a defensive mindset. Anti-intellectuals believe answers to political and philosophical questions are actually very simple and usually found in things like bibles or 'real world experience'. Anyone who has grown up in Alaska has encountered this mindset; it is what I like to think of as uninformed skepticism. They got the spirit of distrust right, but they missed out on the part where reason and logic help determine where the skepticism should be applied.

But... Palin is done now, she quit her day job. Maybe she'll go back to doing Mom stuff. She has a lot of kids I heard.

Yap, yap, yap. Culture that knows too much

A crank is defined as a man who cannot be turned.- Nature, 8 Nov 1906

The one thing that keeps me motivated to keep learning is the knowledge that I am wrong, about something, most likely many-many things, and this bothers me. All of the things I enjoy ranting about I've probably believe at some point or another, I rant as a way of laughing at myself and how stupid my previously held opinions are in the light of better evidence. A healthy dose of irreverence is, in my opinion, one of the only guarantors against insanity. Cranks, both liberal and conservative, are notable by their complete lack of humor concerning the opinions they hold dear. To them their ideas are dead serious, true, and cannot be challenged or laughed at. 'Piety' is the enemy of free thought and reason, no idea should be above reproach.
Unfortunately we live in a society which encourages us all to be cranks and blowhards. It is not fashionable to admit you don't know the answer to a given question or situation; rather it is thought preferable to make shit up rather than plead ignorance. This bothers me greatly, not because I think I'm better than anyone else, but because I know how ignorant I really, truly am. It bothers me when other people claim to know things that they clearly don't. Being able to speak on a topic does not mean you know anything about it; a fact I try and remind myself of constantly. Its far too easy to open my yapper and spout sophistry when really the best thing to do is hold back.

I suppose a careful utilization of 'tact' is important when talking with cranks. They know they're right, without a shadow of a doubt. Think about how fervent and emotional the anti-vac movement is, the creationists, or 911 truthers. to be continued...

This just in!

Reuters announced the results of a meta-data study from a university in England which examined the perceived nutritional benefits of organic foods. The report, which examined 162 research studies over the past 50 years found absolutely no relevant nutritional benefit of organic food over normal food.

*deep breath* Shooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooocking!

They mean to say that food grown by 'the man' and his 'science' is just as nutritional as food grown by 'natural types' and their 'good vibes'?

Wait, we are getting another incoming news report...

Millions of Americans have taken to the streets in protest, angry at the realization that they have wasted untold billions of dollars on food purchases that they didn't research well enough in the first place. Tragic.

Thats enough for now, I've got to go organize a peer review study of high speed CMOS sensors... for the man.

Thoughts from the dumper

I was reading a gaming magazine the other day while taking a dump, as I am known to do, when I came across an ad for a new Axe body spray. The ad was one of those type that had a sample of the fragrance mixed into a glue compound under a little slip of paper. It makes sense in the right context I guess, Axe gives it's potential customers a whiff of the new product so that they
have a mental image in mind the next time they are browsing body sprays.

Except for this was a gaming magazine which means two things:

1. It is read almost exclusively by nerds who have no need for body sprays.

2. Gaming magazines, more than other magazines are ONLY read while taking a dump. When not dumping a gamer is mostly certainly... playing games. He only engages the glossy pages while he is unable to game, which is to say, while he is evacuating the remains of his last Taco Bell binge (jesus, I gotta stop going there).

This creates a problem for both Axe and myself, namely that the next time I smell their new leather scent I'm not going to think to myself, 'wow, that smells nice I'd like to get a can of that', I'm going to think 'ugh, that reminds me of my last Taco Bell shit disaster'. I can't help it, the association is permenantly burned into my brain thanks to my ass, the ass primer I bought from TB.

I have no real point to make here other than Axe's marketing department must be full of slick looking frat boy types with popped collars who most likely don't take dumps. Really guys, fragance samples in a game magazine? Fragrance samples in ANY magazine? Do you really want your product to be associated with ass because thats what you've accomplished.
But the true-blue real loser here? Taco Bell and their rot-gut Chalupas...

I am beautiful

I am beautiful in every single way. Words can't keep me down.

hot and bothered

It was so bloody hot out today, high 80s, high humidity... I almost couldn't take it; I nearly sweated my manhood off.

Coming home from work and drinking 4 cold beers, then taking a nap, naked, on the bathroom floor didn't help. I had thought the cool tiles would feel good, and they did for a while until my body heated them up while I slept. I awoke in a state that required a shower.

So I was reading online for tips to 'beat the heat' when I came across this pearl:

"Drink plenty of water. You can’t sweat if you’re dehydrated. While some traditions, such as Ayurveda, discourage consumption of cold liquids, they’ll temporarily cool your body core. Alcohol and caffeinated drinks tend to dehydrate, so choose wisely."

What? Why would I, or should I give any thought to what the Ayurveda says about drinking cold water? I remembering reading those texts in various Eastern Philosophy classes and they said all types of things about medicine and health, almost all of them completely wrong. Why would anyone subscribe to health practices that are thousands of years old, written by people who believed semen is one of the seven primary elements of the world? Oh yeah, because people are stupid.

This reminds me of a time in Taiwan, when after hiking around some coastal gardens touring a large rice research farm a friend asked if I'd like a cup of water. 'Yes please' I replied. He disappeared into the kitchen to return with a cup of nearly boiling water. I looked at him incredulously and he informed me that according to Chinese traditional medicine cold water is terrible for your health (it upsets your inner tao). Right, so all those years in Alaska spent drinking ice cold Coke while working outside in -20 weather was bad? Inner tao... i think the black side of my yin-yang has completely bled over the white half. Whatever!

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Last week I went into Trader Joes for the first time in about 6 months. For those who don't know what that is, good. Count your blessings. For those who want to know, Trader Joes is a multi-billion dollar chain of organic food stores and a perfect setting for studying horrible reasoning habits. Before I dive in though I gotta say this; why do they hand write their price stickers? Who do they think they are kidding with that 'Mah and Pah' store bullshit? Your company has more money than god so stop patronizing me with the retarded Crayola written stickers taped below the over priced organic bananas you sophists.

Anyways, back to the organic bananas, Trader Joes places them right next to a stack of non-organic bananas which obviously cost a good deal less. Now, anyone with half a brain could do some research and learn that the supposed pesticides used in the bananas aren't even dangerous, but even if they were they wouldn't reach the inner meat of the banana anyway. Why pay so much more for a word? Because people are gullible and sheepish.

Trader Joes does so much business because of the image it sells. People who shop there think they are participating in something special; buying foods which instead of containing things like "high fructose corn syrup" contain "cane sugar". Think your body knows the difference? No of course not, its simple chemistry. People shop there because the hippies who run the checkout stands which, by the way, are named after the streets in your town (again stop with the patronizing TJ, you jackass) ask if you have a reusable bag you'd like to have your groceries put into. If you don't, you are bad. People who shop there like the other types of people who shop there too; reasonably affluent white middle-class types who drive Volvo XC wagons and Subaru Foresters. You see, this type of Bellinghamster claims to like diversity but only if their exposure is limited to a parade here and there, and nice ethnic restaurants. You won't find them living on the corner of Texas and Valencia street! (Bellingham reference) Geez, at least the conservatives are honest about being assholes. Liberals are assholes but don't know it.

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Now that summer is in full swing the streets on which I commute are seeing many, many more cyclists, people who don't ride for the 7 month rainy season and hence are slow and out of shape nonetheless determined in their mission to break every single traffic law on the books. They constantly get in my way while they shimmy about on their squeaky machines going to god knows where... I 'should' be happy to see more people commuting on bikes but after 3 years of this on-off season cycle, I prefer empty bike paths, I really do. This isn't to say I'd like them all to be driving cars, because thats even worse, I'd actually prefer if they'd just disappear. Fair right?

This heat is really getting to me.

Top Gear, huh?

In the last month, or more accurately over the course of a few days during the last month I watched every single episode of the 13 season BBC automotive show Top Gear, and goddamnit I loved every minute of it.

However... I've also found myself dealing with periodic fits of bank account depression. I now know how much my neighboor's Porsche Carrera S costs (over $80 grand) and my other neighbors practical looking Audi A3. I know the difference between a naturally aspirated engine and a turbo charged variety and I know exactly why American cars are so shitty compared to their European variety. I know how much I'd have to put away each month to make payments on a 2010 VW Golf GTI.

Occasionally I've also thought if I lost my mind; I have enough money draining hobbies as is, and I enjoy commuting around on my bikes so much that I don't know what I'd do if I had to choose between a fast car and a fast bike.

I'm going to chalk this up to gear headedness; I've always loved moving things, specs and numbers. But when it comes to the things I love I don't like to make compromises - this will keep ownership of something European out of my hands for a good while, and for the best I'm sure. Now that I'm out of Top Gear episodes I can pull my head out of the clouds.

2009 Cannondale Rize

The Cannondale Rize... what a great bike.

Women aren't funny

This is one of those statements that you might have never thought in sentence form but are nonetheless not surprised by in the least: women aren't funny. The gift of wit, of a quick tongue, the ability to compose the 'epitaph on a feeling ', to borrow a definition from Nietzsche is absent in the testicle-less members of our species.

I think part of this may have to do with a woman's initial reaction to a situation or a feeling; the tendency is towards internalization rather than immediate evocation. It has been said that women tend to 'stew' on things more than men do, and so it is true. Internalization is the enemy of wit and charm, a fact that is proven by the three words that will reduce any woman to tears: "you are fat". They may not flow immediately, but don't kid yourself, at some point in the quite of night a pillow will pull double duty as a sponge as the recipient of the statement (true or not) runs them through the hamster wheel in her head.

All I do in life is observe people and identify what makes them tick; what causes them to respond to different stimuli, and why. I've have noticed, categorically, that the more attractive a woman is the less wit she possesses. This statement does not work in the inverse however. Why should it be any different? Attractive women get to establish their own goal posts in life, there will be an endless supply of men willing to try and meet them. I kid you not, the man who eventually succeeds will do so not based his looks alone, but because he could make her laugh. No man was ever attracted to a woman because she was funny but there is not a woman alive who doesn't find humor attractive. 'Wit' is a tool the male of the species developed to compete for the more attractive, more fertile womb.

Think I'm wrong? Don't go looking for female comedians, all of whom more of less just copy men's acts or rely on simple vulgarity, think back to your childhood days. Think of all the class clowns, the kids who made everyone laugh on the playground, the kids who always had a quick response or insult loaded for any situation. All boys? Of course. The ability is found early, and often.

Candles in the dark

"Would you invite astrologers to speak at your astronomy meeting?"

-Spoken by a fellow coworker when presented with the idea of having chiropractors visit the office to administer blood pressure and cholesteral screenings.

Its nice to hear some sanity in the midst of all the health related bullshit out there.