Planning and Executing

It doesn’t happen as much any more, but still sometimes when I pull up to the office early in the morning I wonder why I’m doing it; more specifically I pose the question to my interlocuter, but do not wait for an answer. This is the game I play, a mental set of ping-pong. The question I’ve presented is a lazy serve, a set-up to the other side: now I’m waiting for the slam return. It comes as it always does when I walk the hallways and see the other humans doing their busy things. I look at them and I see a projection of a future I’m moving towards; home ownership, mortages, middle-class life. The funny thing is, my interlocuter plays this return slam the same every time whereas I on the other hand am changing, learning, and progressing in my thinking and desires. The shock value isn’t there like it used to be; the existential arguments I would have pushed on myself 4 years ago do not pack the same knock-out power they once did. Life is an adventure, money is not the key to happiness, we all make our own destiny… I used to say these things as if they were arguments unto themselves without an understanding that they are only useful within certain contexts.

These days I see slightly differently. My wife and I have been working for a while now and we’d like something to show for it and home ownership seems a good start. I’ve come to the realization that sure, money doesn’t buy happiness, but if you don’t have any you’re most certainly miserable. It’s a reality we didn’t choose, the system imposes it on us, but I think it’s the best possible way to live given the alternatives.

These days my decisions are more calculated, I see my employment as purpose driven and my goals for the future are focused. My wife shares these visions with me and we are on track for accomplishing them.