Religion, Fear and Parenting
I have been reading and thinking a lot about parenting recently, with only 2 months to go until we will be parents ourselves! I found an article on spanking that brought some interesting thoughts to mind. In the article it says that spanking is a form of punishment, not discipline, that teaches children that they are bad, rather then teaching them that certain actions are bad. I believe that this is very similar to the way religion operates. Christianity teaches people that they are bad and sinful, and without God to lead them, they would act upon these desires. Just like spanking, it uses fear to convince people, usually at a very young age, to follow God and remain Christians. This fear of punishment keeps many people in the religion even after they have grown into mature and rational adults.
I find it interesting that Christians often claim that without God people would have no reason to "be good". Having been raised most of my childhood without believing in a God, and never once being told that by sinning I would be punished by God or sent to hell, I can say from personal experience that this does not cause a person to become bad. Instead being told and learning through experience the difference in results from good and bad actions, we were able to rationally make good decisions in adulthood. We quickly learned that good choices made us and others happy as well, and the end result was five successful, happy, well liked adults. In fact I think my parents choice to use love, and not fear, in parenting is what made us (my siblings and me) good people as adults.
Another interesting fear tactic used by Christianity, is that of the Devil; an evil demon trying to coerce us into making bad choices in life. Having not been introduced to this idea until recently, I can easily look at it as an absurd concept, no different then any other mythical creature used to scare children into not acting bad. Having worked with young children all my life, I can tell you that though they are young, they are still people, and quite capable of understanding when they make poor choices and their actions lead to negative results. It is ridiculous, and I imagine quite confusing, to tell them that it was some invisible demon who caused them to act in such ways, when it is quite obvious ( a simple cause and effect relationship) that their actions caused the bad result. By learning this relationship at a young age, that poor choices yield poor results and visa versa, by adulthood it is almost second nature to act good and resist making poor choices in life.
As parenthood approaches, I am quite confident in my husband and my choice to raise our child in an Atheist household. Our child will be taught to question his/her surroundings, and explore cause and effect in both their own choices and others. Our child will not be sheltered from religion, but instead will be taught about a variety of religions and encouraged to explore and question such beliefs. And I think most importantly, our child will be constantly loved and nurtured throughout their lives.
(Please note: there are a number of modern Christian households, in my experience those attending congregational churches as part of the UCC, that do not preach through fear, but instead teach people to be good by following in the path of Jesus.) * I think that Jesus or any other "good person" in our history would be a sufficient mentor for this purpose.
The article Spanking Undermines Discipline: (http://www.connectionparenting.com/parenting_articles/spanking.html )
I find it interesting that Christians often claim that without God people would have no reason to "be good". Having been raised most of my childhood without believing in a God, and never once being told that by sinning I would be punished by God or sent to hell, I can say from personal experience that this does not cause a person to become bad. Instead being told and learning through experience the difference in results from good and bad actions, we were able to rationally make good decisions in adulthood. We quickly learned that good choices made us and others happy as well, and the end result was five successful, happy, well liked adults. In fact I think my parents choice to use love, and not fear, in parenting is what made us (my siblings and me) good people as adults.
Another interesting fear tactic used by Christianity, is that of the Devil; an evil demon trying to coerce us into making bad choices in life. Having not been introduced to this idea until recently, I can easily look at it as an absurd concept, no different then any other mythical creature used to scare children into not acting bad. Having worked with young children all my life, I can tell you that though they are young, they are still people, and quite capable of understanding when they make poor choices and their actions lead to negative results. It is ridiculous, and I imagine quite confusing, to tell them that it was some invisible demon who caused them to act in such ways, when it is quite obvious ( a simple cause and effect relationship) that their actions caused the bad result. By learning this relationship at a young age, that poor choices yield poor results and visa versa, by adulthood it is almost second nature to act good and resist making poor choices in life.
As parenthood approaches, I am quite confident in my husband and my choice to raise our child in an Atheist household. Our child will be taught to question his/her surroundings, and explore cause and effect in both their own choices and others. Our child will not be sheltered from religion, but instead will be taught about a variety of religions and encouraged to explore and question such beliefs. And I think most importantly, our child will be constantly loved and nurtured throughout their lives.
(Please note: there are a number of modern Christian households, in my experience those attending congregational churches as part of the UCC, that do not preach through fear, but instead teach people to be good by following in the path of Jesus.) * I think that Jesus or any other "good person" in our history would be a sufficient mentor for this purpose.
The article Spanking Undermines Discipline: (http://www.connectionparenting.com/parenting_articles/spanking.html )
posted by Sades at
9:43 AM
2 Comments:
This is a great post. Nate and I grew up being taught more or less the same things so its really interesting to read a perspective that wasn't brewed in the same stew.
(more of my commentary, apparently I'm full if it). I think my view of using fear to inspire conversion, or fear to inflict discipline, is slightly relative. Personally, it isn't fear that draws me to Christianity. Maybe I should be more afraid of some things. And it has never been fear that has caused me to want to obey authorities. It's always been more of a personal drive, a "conscience" for lack of a differnt term. I'm sure there are a handful of personalities in the world that respond very well to fear as a motivator. But there are countless other personalities that respond better to other methods. To take that even further, within a family, I think parents have to get to know their children individually in order to decipher how they best learn things.
I don't think it is wrong to be aware of the consequences of our actions; I think we can all agree that the world would vastly improve if everyone was more more mindful of them. But, a healthy knowledge of cause & effect relationships does not have to impart fear.
Anyways, I'm rambling now. I'm so excited for your coming baby - hopefully next time I'll tag along wiht Kaleb to see you guys!
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